uhhhhhhhhhhhhh

another day of bullshit and being misunderstood. seems to be the story of my life. this relationship is spiraling out of control, with drugs and perceptions and everything that goes along with it. i knew this would happen ever since i touched that shit in may my life has been fucked. fucked fucked fucked. fuck that. i need to fucking graduate and be with people who actually have shit they care about or atleast care about themselves. i cant stand this life anymore. i just want to go back and fix it, but i cant i never will be able to. never. i just need to do everything basically right. its so hard to be good. to do what i know i am supposed to be doing, i hate it. i hate it. that fucking thing i will not name, sprung my addict brain back into geaar creating more fuckups more drama more hurt and pain and disappointment and lies and fuck everything bad. you would thiunk after all this time i would fucking learn something clearly i am incapable. and i sure know how to pick guys ha. ones that just help me endure this meaningless addicts life that is fucking everything up. what the fucki is wrong with me and the people who aactually give a shit about me i blow off. its unreal what a piece of shit i have become. its sad a beautiful disaster is truly what i am. i could have been so much. i could have had it alll and now i have nothing. fuck fuck. people that r 22 shouldnt feel like this. already. life really is a drag. does it ever get better i need something good to happen and soon i hate that i have gotten myself so caught up and dependant on something that is nt worth it. i just want to go home and stay in my room and hide forever.. and just disapear into nothing. and slowly get my life back together. salvage what little dignity i have left. fuck.